Friendship as an Adult

Making friends as an adult in my late 30’s is hard.

Having a friend that comes over just to catch up and talk about our adult problems, how motherhood messed up our brains and doesn’t judge crying caused by the words they said that resonated with every thought you have said to yourself for months on end. The ones who validate your house isn’t dirty, it’s a lived in and enjoyed, it’s a house of toddlers and that is okay. Only to drop off fresh flowers from their garden an hour later to cheer you up. A friendship that takes zero effort as an adult, those friends are needed more than you realize and harder to find than ever expected.

As a teen you think your friendships are going to stay just as strong and last forever. However as life moves on so do friendships, that’s not saying you can’t have a lifelong friendship that doesn’t waver but in my experience most of the friendships have their phases.

As an adult I was always a server or bartender and in the service industry your schedule is so different from most that your co-workers become your best friends, they are the ones you grab a drink with when your shift is over. When (if) you leave this lifestyle, you become lost, it’s Friday and you want to get dinner and go out and do all the things you couldn’t do because that was one of your busy work shifts but now you are free to enjoy except one thing, all your friends are working because they are servers and bartenders.

Once I became a mom, my current lifestyle and friendships changed. They were still there but not as often and I felt my struggling to keep up with their plans. I felt myself drift our feel out of place. Friendships from my past came back around, they were always there but just not as strong, and some of my childless friends became even bigger parts of my life and are “Aunties” to my children. That being said some of my “best” friends even ones who have children the same age are like strangers now. They don’t know what’s going on in my life and as much as I try to keep that friendship strong there are only so many unanswered text and phone calls that can be had before throwing in the towel. I know in my heart the silence isn’t on purpose and it’s because their life is just as crazy, if not more crazy than mine. We will regain our friendship one day but for now, even at the same stage of life it’s not our time and that can be hard for me to understand some days.

Sometimes the strongest friendships come from the acquaintance who through a mutual interest you realize you have so much more in common than you ever realized. If you are struggling with friendships as an adult, I challenge you to talk to someone new at a yoga class or the hair salon, maybe it’s someone you see sharing similar interest on IG or FB. Reach out to that person and see if they want to get lunch one day. I know it’s awkward but chances are they are looking for adult friends with share interest also and who knows that just may be your new best friend for this stage of life or forever.

So I write this to simply say, being a good friend as an adult with our own lives being crazy is hard. Appreciate, love and respect the ones who stand by you on your best days and the worst days. The friends who drop off fresh flowers when they know you need a simple smile or the ones who call or text to see how you are truly doing. The ones who are game for Mimosas on Sunday OR a 10am Monday coffee. Or even the ones you have yet to meet. Also If you like plants, mimosas, coffees or going for an afternoon walk let me know!

Xo,

Chandon

Did You See Her?

She is so skinny. I would kill to have her body. If only I had her boobs, butt etc... Have you ever said this about someone else either celebrity or someone you know?

I know I have and I’m sure the women I have said this about have also said it about someone else. Our world has pushed what they want us to believe beauty, sexy and health is supposed to look like. In magazines, tv and social media it’s constantly pushed in our face. The social media ads are out of control and it makes me angry. 

I would look in the mirror and think “damn I look good” and then I would see the ads and think oh I needed to work out more, eat more salads, work on my tan, let my hair grow out, get my eyebrows done etc to look “beautiful”.  It was a fucked up mind game that never ended. 

When I got pregnant I couldn’t wait to wear cute maternity clothes and dresses and embrace my growing belly and not worry about the beauty standards. Guess what… those ads, they changed to maternity and postpartum ads. Maternity spanx and postpartum workouts and belly bands “to get back to your pre-pregnancy” body. Like seriously! I just went 9 months of growing my baby and during that time I could barely find a maternity bra in my size because apparently maternity women are all under a DD size bra and why would I want to wear body shaping spanx and squish my growing belly during pregnancy? The expected standards are ABSURD and wildly inappropriate. The ads forced upon women that just had a baby to work out and wear belly bands or compression leggings are even more of a fucked up mind game. Making women who are on a hormonal roller coaster trying to navigate their new norm with their precious new baby and now they feel the pressure from marketing ads to start working out and get their “body” back like their body isn’t beautiful anymore. 

Well I’m here to tell you forget all the bullshit marketing beauty industry standards. You are beautiful! Yes you, in your body no matter what phase of life you are in. Your body is worthy and should be loved and celebrated. Our bodies are magical and are designed to change and grow as our lives do. I can assure you, of all the bodies I have photographed, all of them are different in every way, shape, size, color and ability and each and everyone of them are perfectly beautiful. 

If you have every experienced any of this, from feeling not good enough when seeing an ad about losing weight or wishing you looked like someone else. Then I want you to go look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you love you and hug your body. 

You are beautiful.